f**ck the male species!

Somedays you just want to scream!!!!!!

why would a grown man pee on a toilet seat and leave the pee??? Who does he expect to clean up? Why would you walk into a kitchen, pour food on the floor and leave it there?

No, the following day, don’t bother wiping the food, or spraying the ants that have come to eat your food particles.

No, don’t do any of those, your housemate will come clean up after you. WTF?

Moving right along in the species.

If you hurt me, logic dictates that you would reassure me right?

How do the tables get turned and I end up being made to feel guilty for your hurting me?

And then, lets move on already! You messed up, I got hurt, I did what I did to sort the situation out, lets get over with the pity party!!!

arrrrggggghhhhhh!!!!

Kissed an amphibian lately?

 You meet and you kissed.

 It should be blissful from there on out, but is it really?

 Well it doesn’t help matters that your friends think that he/she is not so good to look and just not good looking.  If you asked your closest pal, they’d probably tell you- I’m getting you a paper bag so that you don’t have to look at her/him when you are shagging. Every one is entitled to their own opinion, if i think she is hot then she is hot…. That’s what you are thinking anyway!Plus most of  you will say oh well im not that superficial. But really….

And seeing as this is LIFE and not a fairy tale… This frog is not turning into a princess/prince anytime soon! Even if you shove your tongue down their throat all the way down their oesophagus. And forget about make up… No amount of primping can fix that face. 

 

So as much as ALL your friends reckon that your kissing partner is frogly  ugly…. You know you like this frog. You are seriously desiring this so called frog…

 

You kissed a frog and you liked it….

 

And you want it!

 

But really.. .ALL your friends are saying that he/she is ugly wugly! There’s bound to be pressure there. Pressure that will leave you asking- to date or not to date, isn’t that always the case? 

And we all know what most 98% of us would do, don’t we?  

 

 

 

They are really…

On a normal coffee meet with my girls, you will find us bashing men for the various things they do, or have failed to do. Today, I actually want to give men some credit, especially African men of the Kenyan origin.

Men are amazingly simple.

Oh yes they are, and the men in the house feel free to correct me on this one.

• A regular men needs you to just be clean, be able to hold an intelligent convo, feed him something edible and give him good sex regularly and he’s good to go. I always overcompensated (I don’t know for what), and would go out to make my men 4 course dinners and what not, until the day I realised that it doesn’t really matter, few men are selective about food, if you measure up in the other areas. But once in a while, you may do the 4 course thing.
• Men don’t mind if you don’t call every hour to let them know you’re thinking about them, as long as you’re ok on point 1 above.
• Men rarely sulk. If he’s sulking, about work and whatever, you don’t need to draw it out of him, just apply point 1 above.
• Men like easy going. Don’t try too hard. Be yourself. What can be simpler than that? Don’t sweat small stuff. It’s ok to look good, but don’t try too hard just because he’s asked you to have ice cream with him. He’ll notice you’ve gone out of your way, be normal. Most guys like normal women, not super women.
• Men understand stuff straight up. I think this is the most adorable trait about guys. Say it like it is, and the man will get it as said.
• Most men won’t need elaborate gifts on valentines day or christmas. A dinner treat (food), beer, or alvaro and good loving will do. You can throw on some good lingerie, but I’ve realised even this doesn’t matter.
• Men want to be given peace. Don’t nag or make noise at them, and you’re good to go.

If you have a man, celebrate him this weekend. If you’re a singlet like me, pray that God sends your way one of the simpler ones.

Where have you seen the eye candy below? He’s in House (the series) season 4 and is our very own Edi Gathegi. Some good acting he has going, and not too bad on the eyes either. Love his eyes!

Is it me, or does he look a little like Burke of Grey’s Anatomy? See pic below:

Breaking up is hard to do

Argh!!

 

Sometimes life gets too too demanding…and some of my duties, like posting, get neglected. But Thank God for Venus here….

 

**Applause for Venus** (hope you doing good girl)

 

So…..

 

What’s the proper way to break up with someone?

 

I prefer to call and do it in person if I care about the person. Which means that if I don’t give a crap about the person I am ditching I go commando: I text or just use silence. Hear me out though before you judge me- sometimes some people just can’t hack being broken up with in person so u send a text say its over please don’t call me, feel like a bitch and move on. It works.

 

We all know how silence works, stop responding to any communication tactic that they use.

 

But these are modern times though, and although things are supposed to get a little simpler. What’s happening is that the simple things are just getting complicated.

In these “modern” times you don’t have to be defined. So you aren’t his girlfriend or her boyfriend but__________ (fill in the blank). And then you got the booty call, the taken away, the mistress, the yes we are dating but we aren’t quite dating… and so the list goes.

 

So when you are limbo and confused because of the non-definiteness- whether you are a booty call, you’ve been taken away or are but not quite… How do you end it? How do you tell them that whatever it was that was going on is OVER… done with… not going to happen anymore…?

§         Call?

§         Silence?

§         Talk about it in person?

§         Hook up with someone else in their face?

Looking

I look at women. I look at their bodies, hips, breasts, clothes, the way they walk, admire their hair etc.

No, I don’t have lesbian tendencies, but I realised I learn alot about a woman by the way they dress and walk, and secondly, women look good generally. I like watching them.

For that reason, I wonder, should I be offended when the man I’m with looks at women? The woman side of me says yes. I’m not sure the reason why exactly, but it doesn’t seem right not to get offended now does it?

The side that enjoys watching and looking at women, doesn’t mind, infact, I tend to get caught up in discussions with men about how ‘hot’ a particular woman looks and what not.

What does it mean, when your man is always looking at women, be it in the club, or wherever? Like checking them out and stuff?

Does it mean he’s player material, or do men just study women as objectively as I do?

Women, do you mind if your man is always staring at other ladies?

Would you leave him or make noise at him for that?

Is it petty to do so?

Is it me, or is it a sign of low self esteem to get angry at the man for looking?

All this female to male dynamics are too much for me. Can I go lesbian?

Who knew??

I came across this blog post on one idle afternoon at work (don’t ask what I googled to get this). But it gives very good insights to the benefits of sex, and even the number of calories you burn at every stage.

Sample this:

Benefits of Sex / Making Love

1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.
2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.
3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.
4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It’s more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don’t need special sneakers!
5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.
6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. It is 10 times more effective than valium.
8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.
9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.
10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

Sexercise Chart

Removing her clothes
With consent	12 Calories
Without consent	187 Calories
Opening her bra
With both hands	8 Calories
With one hand	12 Calories
With your teeth	85 Calories
Putting on a condom
With an erection	6 Calories
Without an erection	315 Calories
Preliminaries
Trying to find the clitoris	8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot	92 Calories
Positions
Missionary	12 Calories
69 lying down	78 Calories
69 standing up	112 Calories
Wheelbarrow	216 Calories
Doggy Style	326 Calories
Italian Chandelier	912 Calories
Orgasm
Real	112 Calories
False	315 Calories
Post Orgasm
Lying in bed hugging	18 Calories
Getting up immediately	36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately	816 Calories
Getting a second erection
If you are: 20-29 years old	36 Calories
30-39 years	80 Calories
40-49 years	124 Calories
50-59 years	972 Calories
60-69 years	2916 Calories
70 and over	Death
Dressing afterwards
Calmly	32 Calories
In a hurry	98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door	1218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door	3521 Calories

Happy Sexing people.

Venus

The Best?

While my girl is busy with life, I’m here chattering endlessly about nothing.

This lady is a good catch both as a girlfriend and wife . Looks and body aside (which aren’t too bad by the way), she tends to be quite even tempered and zen, so almost zero drama, she embraces the need to have constant good sex, so it’s continuous improvement there, she treats her men with respect, never shouts at them. Not in public, not in private, she NEVER shouts at anyone actually. She also believes in cooking and cleaning for them when they’re living together, though will do so once in a while they date ‘as the spirit leads’. She is quite intelligent, makes enough to live comfortably, and is headed towards affluent at a good speed.

In many conversations friends, male, female, young and old, will talk about hooking up with the ‘best’ man out there. Who is this man?

Is he the sharp suit wearing bank manager?

Is he the handsome multimillionaire business man who wants you as his pampered second wife?

Is he the intelligent sweet guy who doesn’t make as much as you do, but treats you like a queen?

Is he the younger man who idolises you, but at the same time challenges you?

Who is the best man for you really?

Is it possible to do up a list and go out on a quest?

Or do you love with your heart, and choose to be with a person who makes you happy, good CV regardless?

How would you describe the man that is best for you?

Are you the best woman for them??

From the movies

Pick up a guy at a coffee house? Even I haven’t sunk to such levels as yet.

What do you do when you notice a guy glancing at you every now and then in a coffee house?

Incident 1: Almost 6 months ago, I’m having coffee with some two relatives, I scan an ‘Akon’ look a like across, looks like he’s waiting for someone. Admire, and get back to my gossip. Every time I look up, Akon is looking at me, then his male pal joins him, and our eyes keep meeting. I want to smile, but I don’t. Gossip session ends and I walk out with one last glance and inward sigh. I still remember Akon.

Incident 2: A week or so ago, same coffee house, this time a light, almost yellow dude, looks like he’s on a date or something, but same thing. Our eyes keep meeting, and coincidentally, I’m with the same set of relatives. Same back and forth, till I have to leave.

Women in the house, would you say hi? Men, what’s the point in glancing over for over 2 hours and you don’t bother saying hi?

From now henceforth, I’ll camp at the said coffee house, though I don’t believe in meeting guys randomly, it’s uplifting to see absolutely hot dudes checking me out.

Moral Dilemma

Do you really want to know if your man is cheating on you, or would you rather stay in blissful ignorance?

As I age, become jaded and get through various man experiences, I’m starting to take the stand that I’d rather stay in blissful ignorance. I hang out alot with guys, and all of my men friends have cheated on their wives/girlfriends. These are fairly decent guys, some born again, but they have cheated. They say it was nothing, was about the sex, sense of adventure etc, and would never admit to their girls even in their death bed.

My research isn’t representative, but it means there’s the possibility that the man you’re with is or has cheated on you. Do you want to know?

I don’t want to know if I’m happy with the man. If a man is treating me well, loves me and I’m happy with him, I don’t want to know if he’s sleeping around or not. I want him to respect me enough to hide it well from me, and keep me happy, then let me find out when I’m no longer happy with him, and use this as an excuse to dump him. When with him, I want the peace of mind in believing I’m the only one, because otherwise, I’d have to be digging up info on him full time, trying to look for evidence that is cheating, because of what I know.

Is this shooting too low?

He Vs She

What he wants

She’s gotta be street smart and educated
Gotta good head on her shoulders
A sexy swagger with sex appeal
A grown woman hook up them home cook meals
A grown woman who’s confident
Better recognize one where the grown ones sit
And a grown woman knows how to tell you no
A grown woman knows when to let you go
You can have a big ol car and big ol house but next to God nothing else amounts to her

                                                             Raheem DeVaughn 

                                                                ”Woman”

                                                                                                

 

What she wants

When the craziness begins to get to me,
Just need a hand to hold, just be that somebody.
It’s your tenderness that’s gonna make it right,
I want a piece of your heart, not a piece of your mind.
                                    Natasha Bedingfield

                                    “Piece Of Your Heart”

 

 

And they say that women are demanding…. HMMMPPPHHHH!!!

Don’t think so!!!